By Emily Carpenter

We, the members of the founding families of Juliana, Georgia— affectionately referred to as the Old Guard—invite you to move down South to our idyllic town and become a part of the Juliana Initiative. 

Sign up now to reserve your forever home at www.GentleJuliana.com. But, if you’re still on the fence, here are five reasons we think y’all really and truly belong here with us: 

1. We’ll just to say it straight out… we need new blood! 

And don’t you worry about how creepy and not at all metaphorical that sounds. It’s just that we like your blood. We like it a lot. 

2. We are a supportive, self-sustaining community!

We like to help each other out using a barter system rather than pesky old money. Yes, the truth is you may end up owing a whole lot of favors to folks who seem oddly secretive and overly familiar with weapons of all kinds, but they rarely use them. Only in emergencies. Only if people talk when they shouldn’t. But that won’t be a problem, will it? 

3. We’ve got a neighborhood watch to die for! 

The way we’ll keep an eye on you, your property, your business, and your kids will have you wondering if we’ve got cameras set up in every little nook and cranny of the town (we don’t, haha!). We must admit, the extent to which our mayor will be uncomfortably familiar with the intimate details of your marriage may feel a bit intrusive at first, but you’ll get used to it. We love you. And we’ll always do what’s best for you, whether you like it or not. 

4. Look, to be honest, we have been known to lose the occasional citizen. 

As in, all trace of them has vanished off the face of the Earth, but we have no idea where they could have possibly gone off to. Seriously. We think it might be California, or some equally distant state, but who’s to say? We typically don’t think it’s time well-spent to look for them, being that California…or other states…are such a long way off. Besides, if some people don’t get the charm of our little town, why should we force the issue? Let them stay buried gone. 

5. The bottom line is we can tell that you are OUR KIND OF PEOPLE! 

Hard-working, resilient, and not overly concerned with details that just don’t add up, you are clearly the kind of person who’s willing to do anything it takes to succeed, just like us! Looking the other way, ignoring red flags…it just makes for a more peaceful, happier existence. And even if, in the end, it turns out that you don’t quite fit in here—that you have certain, so-called, moral qualms when it comes to sacrificing for the town that loves and sustains you—why that’s just fine with us. We have a role for you, too. You can still be

Just click HERE.  

We’re waiting…

Emily Carpenter is the author of five novels. Her latest is GOTHICTOWN, releasing March 25 from Kensington. 

www.emilycarpenterauthor.com